checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
