Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
