I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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