He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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