cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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