Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
