A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
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