I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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