as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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