I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
time to smoke my breakfast
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
