I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
