Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
