I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
