you win again, gameday.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
