I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
