Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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