what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
