omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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