The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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