I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
