Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
