Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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