her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
