My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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