I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
