I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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