non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
