Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
