I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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