so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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