I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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