hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
