Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
