sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
