Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
