if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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