my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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