I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
