its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
