My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
