1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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