That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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