i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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