Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
