I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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