I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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