Porn is love you can see.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
