The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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