I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
