I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
