i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
