It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
