He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
