you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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