Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am midnight drunk by noon
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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