I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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