You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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