Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off