Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.

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  (845): I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive. http://tfl.nu/u0rp
  Replies (15) Good night (1733) Bad night (686)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8635) Bad night (581)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work

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  (419): having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work http://tfl.nu/n6gj
  Replies (5) Good night (454) Bad night (4043)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner

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  (905): It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner http://tfl.nu/bz5d
  Replies (11) Good night (4867) Bad night (1709)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

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  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4370) Bad night (1025)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred

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  (508): Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level. (508): I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred http://tfl.nu/piwf
  Replies (10) Good night (2474) Bad night (871)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.

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  (828): YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN. http://tfl.nu/nkzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1844) Bad night (1080)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.

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  (254): The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight. http://tfl.nu/ef2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1404) Bad night (1035)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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  (770): Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer. http://tfl.nu/3cyq
  Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (618)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.

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  (917): I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration. http://tfl.nu/hksr
  Replies (5) Good night (808) Bad night (1644)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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  (360): Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour. http://tfl.nu/4726
  Replies (2) Good night (1331) Bad night (391)
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  (714): View more from California

  The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!

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  (714): The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to! http://tfl.nu/8lua
  Replies (14) Good night (1745) Bad night (509)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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  (203): If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am" http://tfl.nu/kogk
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (1354)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.

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  (630): i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other. http://tfl.nu/01p2
  Replies (4) Good night (1349) Bad night (436)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish

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  (276): Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish http://tfl.nu/p7ll
  Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (570)

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