She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.