I want to make a zoo with you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
