Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

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(845): View more from New York

no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.

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(512): View more from Texas

I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"

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(303): View more from Colorado

How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(813): View more from Florida

Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina

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(408): View more from California

I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.

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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club

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(619): View more from California

I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.

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