Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.