He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.