Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
