fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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