so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
