Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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