a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can't just leave with hair like that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
