he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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