my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize