You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
