Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
