Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
