No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
