just tell him i said nine months
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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