Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
