someone get that fucking seahorse.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
