Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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