What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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