Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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