the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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