Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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