im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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