last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
