I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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