Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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