and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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