i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
