omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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