I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
