im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
