party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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