I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
