i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
